I debated whether or not I would blog at the dawn of 2011, and I suppose you can see where I ended up. The debate existing because I'm currently State-side, and blogging would be unnecessary since my life in Tanzania is now on hold. Turns out a post might do me some good in expressing the things I'm experiencing in the US after spending a year abroad.
Thoughts about this trip have been bouncing around in my brain for 5 months. That's when I first started talking to my parents about coming home for the holidays, and I had been dreaming about America ever since. As December approached, and as I saw my friends take their leave across the Atlantic and come back, I began to wonder what my encounter with American culture would be like. I've heard that reverse culture shock can be even more profound and dizzying than the shock of visiting another country, so I began to think that being back in the US may not be the relaxing dream vacation I was thinking it would be. Would I feel out of place? Would I be overwhelmed? I was preparing myself mentally as I boarded the plane at Nyerere International Airport.
After a solid week and a half back on this side of the globe, I'm baffled. And not in the way I expected. Coming back to America was easy. Suspiciously easy. I'm actually kind of disappointed in how unaffected I've been by my time in Africa. I've made this remark to almost all the friends and family I've seen here: this past year feels a lot like a dream right now, and I've finally woken up. But now there's all these strange pictures and videos of me in some other country, with people I didn't know in America, and I have 3 or 4 different kinds of currency in my wallet. Perhaps if I was back in the United States for the indefinite future, having to look for a job/career, pay bills and such, I might feel a bit different. After all, the best kinds of vacations are the ones where you can forget about all that stuff.
And maybe I'm being a bit melodramatic. I do dread the thought of my return, though. If my mind is trying to trick me into thinking all this didn't really happen, what happens when it's time to come back to reality?
Cool video, David. Maybe the film industry will be where you're headed when/if you return to the states. Not "Hollywood," but introspective, educational, artsy stuff...
ReplyDeleteI can walk 20 feet into your room and give you feedback because you are actually here (thank you, Jesus), but I will do this to preserve our thoughts for later. You are here possibly feeling as miserable and frustrated with a cold as you felt a year ago from the affliction that caused foot drop. Getting down here from Va last Sunday was essentially a miracle. The travel state side was close to 50 hours if you count the ride from Moshi to Dar. So coming home has not been that easy. Your thoughts and the videos on this blog are proof that the last year has not been a dream. My perspective - your capacity for love both giving and receiving create this sense of 'where am I and where have I been' You love the people you have seen since you have been home so much and they love you, that it has been like you never left. I look into your room and see you at the computer and I feel the same way - can't believe you have been gone for 15 months. But I have heard your heart for those 15 months and the incredibly tight bonds you have created with PCVs in Tanzania and the people you live with and friends you have made in Manyoni. It happened. It was not a dream and the evidence is not just a video or a few words in a blog. I could take a trip to Manyoni next year, and the people there would tell me stories about you. And there are PC people in TZ that will reinforce that you have been there, not in a dream, but with your very heart and soul. The same heart and soul that screams 'F this' at a broken down bus that could have canceled your dream holiday vacation in the States. I love you, David :)-D
ReplyDeleteIt would be so easy to just stay in your comfort zone and not go back to Tanzania. But PC does not give 2nd chances. Don't let your PC dream die. You can never reclaim it. You have people there that are waiting for your return. You are needed there far greater than you are needed here.
ReplyDeleteJudy Publow
Mum to Megan Rogers-PCV in Barjomot, Manyara, TZ
Hey Dave, that movie was really neat. See you soon! - Carol
ReplyDelete{{Dave}} You warm my heart! So often the very people who struggle with the big questions are the one’s who don’t need to struggle at all. Just asking them means you’re on the right track.
ReplyDeleteThe video was intriguing- did I catch images of TZ captured in ice? Couldnt help notice the closing image of the garage full of unneeded stuff is likely bigger than the TZn space you inhabit with everything you need. I know I could study and find more. Cleverly done.
As to your words, my overwhelming sense is you didnt feel conflict becasue it's all integrity... integral... integrated. Your life isn't so much about disparity between the starkness of physical life comparing there to here or the starkness of spiritual life comparing here to there. So often it's the harsh juxtaposition that causes the disorientation. Your family is spiritually centered, aware, reflective, generous with things-time-care, living lives of gratitude for God's Grace. You come from that and you bring all of that to your life and work. It's via that channel that you move emotionally from one world to the other. Those things move with you, they don't change. It’s ALL REALITY and all INTEGRATED WITHIN you. Feeling comfortable in both doesn’t denigrate or elevate either.
Relax into it and embrace the flow. I think it shows God has you in the right place. Your "worlds" are different on the outside but not so different where it matters.
Peace, Friend! Even as I cover you in prayer, I know God has you right in the palm of His hand and His smile beams bright as He takes it all in.